Puppy rooms a front for mafia dog fighting ring

A police investigation of stress-relieving ‘puppy rooms’ has uncovered a nefarious underground dogfighting operation with connections to Icelandic mafia.

“It is with deep regret that I am informing all Canadian universities that these rooms are shut down immediately,” said constable El-Diri of the Halifiction Regional Police (HRP).

In a press release from the HRP, a sophisticated network of Icelandic mafia connections is shown to be trafficking the dogs from various sources using the ‘puppy rooms’ as a mere front.

“I’m surprised nobody noticed that none of the dogs were puppies,” said El-Diri. “That was our first red flag that there was more to this than it seemed.” All though he noted that students are so preoccupied trying to memorize complex mathematical formulae and prepping for final exams that they likely were too distracted to take note.

Tragic consequences were averted mainly due to the fact that the Icelandic mafioso treated the dogs so humanely, and used them to vent warm, cuddly feelings that weren’t appropriate to express among their gangster comrades.

“The Icelandic mafia recruits members who seek a sense of belonging and purpose,” explained El-Diri. “So introducing the dogs into the mix provided a perfect outlet for them. When they were supposed to be turning the dogs into vicious killers they were instead playing fetch with them, cuddling, and bonding.”

Instead of the mafia having a negative effect on the dogs, it appears the dogs have had a positive effect of the mafia. Icelandic authorities have recently released numbers showing violent crime is down 13%, and animal shelters are showing adoption rates have doubled this quarter.

It has yet to be determined what the fate of the dogs will be, all though there were a few ideas put forward at the press conference.

“Well, we have dogs for therapeutic purposes at the Burnside Correctional Facility,” mused El-Diri. “I don’t see why we couldn’t use these animals in a more preventative fashion, before people get to prison. If there were pettable pets downtown at night, for example, perhaps there would be fewer fights downtown. It’s hard to drunkenly tell a guy off if you’re trying to snuggle with a Basset Hound, for example.”

Summer Concert Scene Heating Up

By: Connor Donald

An already busy year for music in Halifax and the East Coast is continuing to heat up as Summer quickly approaches. Some big name groups are setting their targets on the East Coast of Canada and some big shows have already been set. With a mere couple months left until Summer truly begins I give you a run down of the shows and festivals that you should check out!

5. KISS with Shinedown- August 1 @ Metro Centre

One of the most exciting and entertaining classic rock groups in the world KISS is coming to Halifax and Saint John this summer. KISS brings their high energy, hard rocking music back to Halifax for the first time since 2009 when they headlined a show on The Commons. KISS is touring in support of their latest album Monster released on October 9, 2012, which features the singles “Hell or Hallelujah” and “Long Way Down.”

KISS is also welcoming special guests Shinedown to the stage this time around. Shinedown’s lead singer is, in the last year, coming off a successful stint in rehab where he got over alcohol and heavy drug addictions losing over 75 pounds. Now back on track Shinedown, famously known for songs like “45”, “Bully”, “Sound of Madness” and “Second Chance”, will come out with their hard rocking and true to life lyrics. Are you ready to “Rock and Roll All Night”?

4. Cavendish Music Festival with Dixie Chicks and Kenny Chesney- July 5-7 @ Cavendish Beach, Prince Edward Island

For country music fans the Cavendish Music Festival yet again returns with a strong line up which includes, most notably, The Dixie Chicks Sunday night and Kenny Chesney on Saturday night. Friday night welcomes Dwight Yoakam to the headlining stage who is currently touring in support of his newest single, “A Heart Like Mine” and bringing back some of his greatest hits. Carolyn Dawn Johnson and Shooter Jennings will also perform that night.

Kenny Chesney is set to headline on Saturday night after having, both, the Biggest Stadium Tour of the Year and Highest Grossing Tour of the Summer. He’s recorded 15 albums in his busy musical career, 14 of which became certified Gold or higher. Chesney will be joined by a lineup which includes: Little Big Town and Michelle Wright.

The main headliner of the weekend is country legends, The Dixie Chicks on Sunday night. With 13 Grammy Award wins since forming in 1989; there commercial success and growth began in 1998 with hits like, “There’s You’re Trouble” and “Wide Open Spaces”. The Dixie Chicks will bring a force of hits spanning their career Sunday night alongside a dazzling list of performers including: Emerson Drive, Jason Blaine and The Abrams Brothers.

3. 2013 Toyota Salmon Festival Concert with The Eagles, Tragically Hip and Johnny Reid- July 13 @ Grand Falls-Windsor, NL

For those willing to take a trip to Newfoundland and love Classic and Folk rock the Toyota Salmon Festival Concert guarantees a great show. The … Read the rest “Summer Concert Scene Heating Up”